So Yeah... U/D we're just friends now : (

Ok, well it was my birthday weekend so i didn't have too much space from my boyfriend... Which was good, and good now that were going back to not being together everyday... going back to the taking space.... But there is something I would like to address to him. I know we're taking space but I want him to just communicate with me more and I've said things to him before and I don't want to make a huge deal of it because I've told him that when we're not together, when we're apart doing our own thing, i just would like to hear from him more and I don't see that as a big deal and I'm trying witht his whole space thing, mainly for us but a lot for him too, and I figure since I'm trying this he can try and communicate more with me, he says he just doesn't think about it, which I understand, hes a guy, but if it means so much to me, why can't he just try and help me out a bit here.... So I tihnk I'm going to call him later today and just address it all in a civilized matter, not make it a big deal, just ask him about it and stuff... I'm thinking like this:

"Ok, so I'm not trying to freak out on you or make a big deal of this and I'm not trying to get into it with you, not by any means, but I've asked you about this a lot and I just want you to respond to me, my messages, my phones calls, maybe call me on your own, message me.... I don't feel like its too much to ask to have more communication from you. Al I want is to hear from you when you have a minute to spare, and I know you think it's me being a little needy but you also said you would help and try and I really haven't seen you try and I just want to know why?"

See, yesterday morning I left my birth control at his house, I waited til' he got home from work to call and ask him about it, and he already knew it was there, I was looking EVERYWHERE, I'm just wondering why he couldn't call and let me know, you know?? Or when he fell asleep the night of my party... His phone was off and I was kinda getting worried, not too worried, just a lil' concerned, well FINALLY his phone was back on and he answered, why couldn't he call me right when he woke up and let me know what was going on?? It was my birthday, c'mon now....

I don't know, I don't want to make this a huge deal but I just want a lil' more communication, i almost feel like hes not my boyfriend, hes just a guy that I have fun with from time to time, who doesn't call or anything like EVER, I dunno, I think I'm lookin' into it too much.... I just want a lil' more communication, thats all.... and I txted him goodnight sexy before I went to bed last night, hoping for a goodnight beautiful response, but I never got it

I'm just going to address it in a mature way without letting things get out of control and see what happens, but it helps to get it all out here, thank you Laura for opening this forum, I love you!!!

Well, I think I'm going to call him later today and just briefly discuss it.... See how things go from there... I don't want to upset him or us or anything and I think being able to tlak to him rationally about a problem i'm having will be god, good from my side to say and good for him to hear....

Yeah i think you need to phone him and talk about it, otherwise it will kepp bugging you.i do agree with you, he sounds like he need to make more of a commmunication effort on his side, just bring it into light converstion so it doesnt seem that big of deal. and see what e makes of it, and if it improves.

let me know how it goes hun! *hugs*

Thanks Laura... I appreciate it... i do think he needs to make more of an effort because I know we're doing the whole space thing, but I just feel like hes got comfortable in our relationship or something and he stopped messaging me and calling me like he used to when we first started, i know it usually dies down, i get that, but this just seems weird.... I just like hearing from him, thats all and I don't see why it's so hard for him to be able to do this, but it hurts, it really does, as much as I try not to let it, it does and I can't help it.... I mean I understand he hasn't had a girlfriend in a long time, but hey, I'm his girlfriend NOW and thats what should matter, he should want to help me with I need from him....

I agree you should talk to him about it, he needs to know how you feel. You also have to remember that guys sometimes forget. Its not that they don't want to talk or tell you how much they miss you, but they are guys they just forget. Its really hard to find a guy who doesn't forget;) lol does that make sense. And its not like it dies down or anything...i don't know i guess i am the same way(like the guys) when I am at work or at school. lol i don't always remember to text them or call them, i still love them, i just don't think about it, but that doesn't mean I love them any less.

I know what you mean petra...I just want to be able to be honest about my feelings with him without me getting all outta control and without making him mad, so thats what I am trying to do... Since our last fight, we haven't faught AT ALL, and I did read him that letter and it made my day for him to be happy with it... but I poured my ALL into that and it just seems like I don't get much back from him in return and its frustrating to feel like your the only one putting things into it....

I left him a voicemail saying to call me when he could before he goes to work.... we'll see if he calls... If not, I'll ask him to gimme a call after work.... : (

If you feel like your the only one putting anything into it then you definatly need to tell him to change it. All you can do is try.

I know... I mean I do feel like I'm the only one putting snything in, but at the same time I know its not true, it just feels that way... he does do his part, its just not near as much as mine and i think a lot of it has to do with how I JUST got out of a relationship and he hasn't been in one in a LONG time, so we need to come to a certain middle....

Ok, So I've been txting my best friend about this today, which helped A LOT, and I've decided that I am kinda getting too wrapped up in this, I mean to an extent I have my reasons on why I want to communicate more, but everything with us is great, I don'tt hink the him getting a hold of me thing should really get me all upset... When we are together, we are happy, we have a great time, he doesn't ignore me, hes always right there, andI just need to get over it all... I know he wants to be with me and thats whats important. we have things we need to work on of course and the communication is one of them, but I'm realizing that I don't need to make it a big deal, that everything will be okay... and as long as I can talk to him about it without getting all upset about it, things are going to be fine... Whenever I do talk to him, I think its going to be a good conversation....

Well... We worked together today, that was fine... I asked him to call me whether he wanted to hang out tonight or not, just call me either way and let me know....

Well he didn't call, so I called him and let him know that he can call me and tell me if he wasn't going to come over, it wasn't a big deal... I didn't want him to think that I would be upset... And we started talking about everything. And he told me that things are just different now, maybe its because of him or because of me or us or something, but that he just wants to me friends right now, that thats the best thing for us, for him right now...

I don't know... My head is a mess right now and i can't stop crying.... I mean I think this could really be for the best considering where his heads at right now, which I don't even know because he couldn't tkla to me about it til' now... and I am just hurting.... I wanna think this could make things better, I really do but right now, it just hurts, tremendously, and he says hes hurting too but I don't really know if he is....

I felt pathetic just crying to him about it... I was trying to tell him that I feel like us being together is worth fighting for, that I want to be his girlfriend, that I like it that its what I've wanted for a LONG time and he just wouldn't have it.... He feels things are just too different now, because of how things have gone and because of how hes feeling and everything. He couldn't really explain it, and he said its not my fault, that its his fault too.... I just still feel pathetic... the way I was just pouring my feelings out and telling him exactly how I feel, how I want this and I feel like its good and I want to make him happy like he makes me happy and I guess I just can't and it hurt so bad to hear him say that I don't make him happy anymore.... It hurt so much....

But on the brightside, if there is one... He said he still really likes me ansd still wants to hang out, he just wants to be friends again and start from scratch, so maybe, maybe this is something the both of us need, because he said he REALLY liked being my friend.... But I want more, I don't know if I can handle being just his friend, its going to hurt, a lot to try and figure this all out.... I mean hes not EVERYTHING, you know, but I've been falling for him since day one and to just have to start over with that hurts soooo much....I just want to I don't even know... He was awesome, I felt so good and so happy until I realized he wasn't as hapopy as I thought, which was a few weeks ago.... He said he just sees me differently now and his perspective changed, and he said it wasn't just my faullt, he said he has idssues too that he needs to deal with and that he just wasn't ready for a girlfriend adn we did push hard in the beginning.... I just feel really crappy right now, I hurt and I really don't know what to do..... I mean he wqwas my boyfreie3nd, on my mind ALL the time, I couldn't help but think about him all day at work, at home, at work with him, I can't help it and its not just going to go away....Hes still going to ALWAYS be on my mind and thats just whats going to suck the most.... What am I going to do?? I need to get him out of my head..... what do I do??

And I got another update... Well last night sucked, I didn't get any sleep really and I woke up late for work.... When I got there everyone was asking what was wrobng and I didn't want to talk about it so I lied and said I had stomach problems and they sent me home.... which was kinda good cuz I got to just think about things and sleep and stuff....

So I've been doing a lot of thinking and I know what I ultimately want is him back in my life, us getting back to the way things used to be....and I think giving time and space and starting over will help with all that... we've gone through a lot of craziness the past month, we spent WAY too much time together in the beginning and it was really good but it was unhealthy.... and I'm just going to take this time and focus on me, do things for me.... hang out with my friends more and just be single cuz I haven't been in a while, and I don't want to go out looking for another guy, i still want my guy, and he still wants me, we've just hit a bump and we're trying to fix it, so i'm using thisa time to just be by myself try not to think about him so much, I was way too wrapped up in his world and wanting to be with him too much and thought about him too much rather than thinking of myself and everything, so, wen and if we do become more, I'm going to do it rigfht this time and think more of myself and less of him and us....

Aww Mary! *HUGS* I am so sorry! But i think you are doing the right thing.

Thanks petra... It just sucks now because I really want to see him and tlak to him and be with him, but I can get over it all, its just going to take time....

Trying to be better, really really trying, but its SOOOOOO hard.....

So we txted today, and we are going to hang out after work, or at least tlak so I'm happy about that... I hope everything goes good.... I really want to start being his friend again and haging out.....

So yeah, last night we didn't hang out,t hough he apologized for blowing me off, for some reason he doesn't call me, he'd rather txt, which works I guess.... anyhoo we're going to try again today, i asked him if he wanted to get some food and he said that sounded good, lets hope we actually hang out today, I'm calling him when I leave work so we'll see.....